
When big things happen to us, it's normal not to deal with it right away. There are times when emotions are too big for us to contain, which is why we instinctively turn to self-soothing behaviours and coping mechanisms.
Sometimes, the best thing you can do in that moment is to focus your attention elsewhere, and come back to it later when you are better equipped to give it the space, attention and acceptance it needs. Distraction is better than rumination, especially thinking that leads to no positive outcome or solution. The problem is when we get stuck in maladaptive self-soothing behaviours or patterns that are either 'bad' in nature, or can turn into avoidance, or procrastination of what lies underneath.
When a person experiences trauma, they can feel stuck and frozen, both physically and mentally. In a sense, PTSD and flashbacks are memories that are frozen in the mind - the mind cannot differentiate that the moment has passed, which is why the memory feels so alive every time it is triggered.
When a person isn't equipped with the resilience, tools or support to move through big emotions, trying to face these memories can backfire. This is why it's important to build on your resilience and develop healthy emotional regulation skills before you delve into past traumas, otherwise it is possible to feel vulnerable and unstable.
Because traumas are so sensitive and some people are at risk of overwhelm and retraumatisation, it is best to approach the healing journey slowly, as well as in sessions. Titration is a practice in EMDR which means that we slow things down. Because trauma and its responses activate quickly, we want to slow the system down by working with small, manageable chunks at a time. It can look like pausing and observing what accompanies what is being spoken about, whether its noticing sensations, subtle but telling nonverbal cues, posture or other forms of nonverbal communication. When we give our bodies a chance to do this, it will naturally move towards the responses it didn't get to complete in the past in the memory.
In EMDR, there is also a concept called Pendulation, which involves moving back and forth between sensations of safety and discomfort, or trauma-related activation. This is a way to gradually take the charge out of a memory, as well as out of the body, rather than overloading the system at once.
It takes bravery and strength to heal, and to want to heal. Not everyone is ready to face what lies underneath, especially when there are painful emotions, discoveries and change that often come with the unraveling. This is why it's also advisable to pace deep work with enough time in between sessions to regain your centre, to reflect and to assimilate any learnings.
Integration takes time, and you might only notice changes over the coming weeks and months, only to look back one day and realise how much more grounded you feel, or how differently you respond in situations. This is the reward of healing.
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